New Gym Uniform

Lately when I’ve been working out, I’ve had the unpleasant experience of smelling a particularly putrid odor again and again.

I’d describe the stench as what would happen to super sweaty gym socks if they could also puke on themselves, then get shoved into a sealed plastic bag and left in a 120 degree car for a year or so, rolled in kimchi, buried in a tomb, and ultimately get discovered like the world’s worst time capsule 50 years from now.

And I’ll be honest: The first time I smelled it, I blamed the old guy on the treadmill next to me. He was at least 70 and wearing a terry cloth headband, long striped gym socks, reaalllly short shorts, and a disintegrating cotton t shirt from some race in the 80s, so I don’t think my initial accusation of Fit Grandpa was all that misplaced.

But even after I switched treadmills, the smell was still there and every once in a while, I’d catch another whiff.

You can see where this is going, but de Nile is a powerful river in Egypt, and it took some time to realize the reek had been coming from me all along.

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Me

My next panicked thought was to wonder whether the permafunk was emanating from my clothes or if I just intrinsically stunk.

I’ll spare details, but fortunately I figured out it was the clothes, not me, which meant it was time to retire some of my beloved workout wear.

One particularly bad offender was a short-sleeved shirt that I loved so much I bought five in different colors. The fit was great, they didn’t chafe on long runs and they had my favorite feature of all time: a small zippered pocket to hold a key, lip balm, ID, etc. To give these shirts credit, I put them through a lot over the years. Not just daily workouts but I wore a version of them in at least 3 full marathons and 5 halves. They earned their stink.

It was time to order something new, and I turned to one of my favorite places (also where the original shirts came from): Athleta.

Getting cute new workout clothes is motivating in itself, and I was pretty psyched when the package arrived yesterday.

These awesome shirts are a close approximation to their dearly departed kin:

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Pop Space Dye Tee

They even have my beloved stash pocket. I got green and purple.

A lot of races now give out long-sleeved technical shirts as part of the swag bag, so I really didn’t need another long-sleeved shirt but this one was on sale and in my favorite color:

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Velocity Top

I wore it today for a run and it did not smell at all! Yet.

These are simply the best workout pants ever:

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Kickbooty Capri

They are unbelievably flattering, especially when your butt is not one of your better features.

I saved the best for last:

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Dipped Wilton Wrap

This sweater is absolutely perfect for to-and-froing from the gym or wherever you need to schlepp around. It comes in olive, too, but I bought gray. All the better to match my roots.

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