Lately when I’ve been working out, I’ve had the unpleasant experience of smelling a particularly putrid odor again and again.
I’d describe the stench as what would happen to super sweaty gym socks if they could also puke on themselves, then get shoved into a sealed plastic bag and left in a 120 degree car for a year or so, rolled in kimchi, buried in a tomb, and ultimately get discovered like the world’s worst time capsule 50 years from now.
And I’ll be honest: The first time I smelled it, I blamed the old guy on the treadmill next to me. He was at least 70 and wearing a terry cloth headband, long striped gym socks, reaalllly short shorts, and a disintegrating cotton t shirt from some race in the 80s, so I don’t think my initial accusation of Fit Grandpa was all that misplaced.
But even after I switched treadmills, the smell was still there and every once in a while, I’d catch another whiff.
You can see where this is going, but de Nile is a powerful river in Egypt, and it took some time to realize the reek had been coming from me all along.
My next panicked thought was to wonder whether the permafunk was emanating from my clothes or if I just intrinsically stunk.
I’ll spare details, but fortunately I figured out it was the clothes, not me, which meant it was time to retire some of my beloved workout wear.
One particularly bad offender was a short-sleeved shirt that I loved so much I bought five in different colors. The fit was great, they didn’t chafe on long runs and they had my favorite feature of all time: a small zippered pocket to hold a key, lip balm, ID, etc. To give these shirts credit, I put them through a lot over the years. Not just daily workouts but I wore a version of them in at least 3 full marathons and 5 halves. They earned their stink.
It was time to order something new, and I turned to one of my favorite places (also where the original shirts came from): Athleta.
Getting cute new workout clothes is motivating in itself, and I was pretty psyched when the package arrived yesterday.
These awesome shirts are a close approximation to their dearly departed kin:
They even have my beloved stash pocket. I got green and purple.
A lot of races now give out long-sleeved technical shirts as part of the swag bag, so I really didn’t need another long-sleeved shirt but this one was on sale and in my favorite color:
I wore it today for a run and it did not smell at all! Yet.
These are simply the best workout pants ever:
They are unbelievably flattering, especially when your butt is not one of your better features.
I saved the best for last:
This sweater is absolutely perfect for to-and-froing from the gym or wherever you need to schlepp around. It comes in olive, too, but I bought gray. All the better to match my roots.