How Babies Are Different From Us

MGM’s (8) third grade teacher recently asked me to come and speak to his class, since they were studying a unit on the human body.

My immediate response, “You know I’m a gynecologist, right?”

We finally settled on a talk entitled “How babies are different from us,” with emphasis on an in utero baby, a.k.a. a fetus.

What we covered:

  • Before they are born, babies are connected to their mothers by an umbilical cord and placenta
  • Babies depend on their mothers to get their blood
  • Babies do not eat food the way we do; they get their nutrition from what their mother eats
  • Babies do not breathe oxygen. They essentially live underwater and breathe amniotic fluid in and out of their lungs
  • Speaking of amniotic fluid, it is mostly baby pee (This brought down the house! I was killing it at this point)
  • A baby has about 300 bones but an adult only has about 206. This is because some of the baby’s bones join together like a puzzle after it is born.
  • Even before a it’s born, a baby can recognize voices, open and shut its eyes, roll/punch/kick (MGM demonstrated this in class), sleep and get the hiccups
  • A baby usually does not poop before it’s born (another fact that resulted in gales of laughter)

The floor was also open to questions. Conservatively speaking, one kid alone asked about 80. He was so into it!

MGM repeatedly asked if he could use my laser pointer.

And while you might expect inevitable questions resulting in inflammatory emails from other parents about how a baby got there in the first place, it never came up.

Success!

first day of school 2015

MGM and Trixie First day, 2015

P.S. If you would ever like to practice your stand-up comedy skills, I highly advise a test audience of third graders.

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