The Overwhelming Kindness

^^^ Not sure who’s the Babysitter and who’s the Babysittee, but this faithful buddy has constantly been by my side.

Even in these early days, I have been humbled by the outpouring of love and support from friends from every stage of my life.

And let’s be honest, after 47 years, I have cycled through quite a few stages: early life and high school, college, medical school, residency, fellowship, my first job post-training, my current iteration.

(And I’m not ready to call it quits yet!)

The nature of my life has been to put my head down and soldier on. One year I spent 135 nights in a hospital, working.

I know because I counted them. That was not a good year.

And I’ve said it before, but Time is now my most precious commodity.

It is scary to see it passing – I still have dreams where I am in college, facing a final I forgot to study for, then wake up remembering that I am solidly middle aged, Ugh – and the cancer diagnosis sharpens the focus that Time may not be on my side the way I’d assumed it was.

Time has also gotten in the way of cultivating my relationships. I am ashamed of this; I know so many wonderful people and I am furious with myself that I didn’t tell each and every one of them every day how I love them and what they mean to me.

And so, My Dear Friends, I Love You.

Thank you for being an important part of my life, whether you gave me a ride to school sophomore year when I didn’t have a driver’s license; when your friended me on Day 1 of Biocore while I was a perpetually floundering college student trying to find her way; when I was delivering a baby in the OR at 3 AM and you let me stand on the Good Side during a c-section; when I really didn’t need the calories but you made the Cookies You Know I Can’t Resist and brought them to work (they were delicious).

Above all, I hope I have (mostly) been the kind of Friend to you that you have been to me.

Much love.

3 thoughts on “The Overwhelming Kindness

  1. You have been on my mind almost daily- I’m sending you so many good vibes, prayers and so much love and hope…
    I recently decided I should try to be a runner- I’m still not sure why- but the last week, as I tie on my shoes, I’ve been thinking, “This is for Jani”- I’m not fast, no one is chasing me (which is really quite sad… for many years I said the only reason to run is because you are being chased) but it’s for you.
    Life gets busy, but my life is better knowing you and being able to call you friend…
    Maybe- someday, when I’m faster than a turtle, we can meet up for a run and a coffee at Patisserie 46??

  2. I am in awe of your strength in the face of this challenge. Working with you has shown me that you are a Boss in all ways. I know you’ve got this and know that if you tell me who made those delicious cookies – I’ll make sure that they are made for you on your first day back. Hugs.

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