Well, well, with the turn of the calendar we’ve arrived at Breast Cancer Awareness month, complete with its cringe-y moniker #Pinktober.

Pinktober is highly controversial among breast cancer survivors.

Years of pinkwashing, exposes of “charitable” organizations that weren’t so charitable after all, and controversial political decisions by major players in the breast cancer sphere have soured many to the pink ribbon.

And let’s face it: seeing NFL players in pink jerseys may be a cute tribute, but I didn’t care about that when I was sitting in a chair with chemotherapy dripping into my veins.

More needs to be done.

For me, this is my first rodeo as a breast cancer survivor and I’m conflicted.

There’s the frustrated advocate in me who eschews the hype and demands action, and there is also the grateful human who has straddled the thin line between sickness and health – and she wants to celebrate.

So I’m leaning in to the pink. Hard. I choose gratitude and joy.

And I will proudly wear pink every day in October. I’m lucky that I get to.