Trixie sent this message to me the other day:
Yes, you are reading this correctly:
- M&Ms can be customized.
- She wants to get me this for Christmas.
- All I need to do is pay for it.
#Nope
What I’m Getting For Christmas
Category Archives: Funny
Get Me Murray!
**** This is one of my favorite blog memories. It still cracks me up to the extent that I wanted to share it again. For what it’s worth, Trixie is now 10 and occasionally wakes up of her own volition. ****
I was dead serious when I posted last week that getting the children up-and-at-’em is akin to poking two bears.
Trixie (5) has taken to wearing sunglasses in the A.M, which overall channels a strong 1990s Courtney Love vibe.
Here she is enjoying a nutritious breakfast of Fruity Pebbles, which was immediately preceded by her barking, “Where are my Fruity Pebbles? I ordered Fruity Pebbles! And why isn’t anyone pouring the milk?”
Note that the picture quality is poor since I had to surreptitiously take them to avoid her wrath. Frankly, I’m scared of her.
Spouse has also worked out a whole backstory to her behavior that I find hilarious (and a helpful coping mechanism), namely that she’s an indulged, out-of-control socialite/actress/musician.
He’ll pretend to be Trixie (out of earshot, of course), and routinely provides bon mots like:
- The sun! It burns!
- I don’t get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day. And I don’t see any bags of cash in your hands.
- Get the G6 gassed up and ready to go! I’ll be at Teterboro in 20.
- See you in Ibiza.
- Where the hell is my agent Murray? He was supposed to be here 10 minutes ago! Murray! Get me Murray!
My Worlds Collide: NPR + Hallmark Christmas Movies
NPR’s “Weekend Edition” ran a funny story over the weekend about Hallmark Christmas movies, one of my guilty holiday pleasures.
Apparently I’m not alone.
My favorite part was where guest Linda Holmes – who hosts a pop culture podcast – describes the general plot lines of the Hallmark movies to Weekend Edition host Lulu Garcia Navarro. Here’s an excerpt of the interview:
Nailed it!
Podcasts I’m Listening To Now
My excessive commuting is fast coming to an end (Hooray!), but I’ve had lots of time – and thousands of miles – in the past six months to drive, contemplate life, fret over uncertainty, worry about Anything and Everything, plan vacations and listen to podcasts.
Lots and lots of podcasts.
Here are some suggestions, if you’re so inclined:
- This American Life. I’ve been a fan since its inception. Still am. Always will be. This is the standard bearer for me by which all other podcasts are judged.
- S-Town. The entire run of this Southern Gothic story dropped at once, and basically everyone freaked out and made this the Number One podcast in the Universe. Confession: for the first three episodes, I thought this was an extremely well-crafted fictional narrative, but when I figured out it was true, I lost my mind and gobbled up the rest. The storytelling here is incredible. I can’t even begin to describe what this is about: clock repair, hedge mazes, small town Southern life. You’ll have to trust me that this is so worth your time.
- Crimetown. This first season is all about Providence, Rhode Island, and its corrupt politicians and mafia kingpins, both of which ruled the city for decades. Any fan of works like “The Sopranos” or “Goodfellas” will love Crimetown.
- Up and Vanished. Oh, boy. This one is addictive. This podcast starts out investigating a cold case murder of a teacher in a small town in Georgia, and in the course of the podcast, the case gets solved in real time. Watching this unfold week by week has been riveting. You can still catch up.
- Matt and Doree’s Eggcellent Adventure: An IVF Journey. Well, I’m biased because this is what I do for a living, hence my initial binge and current weekly listening session. Matt and Doree are a likable California couple trying to have a baby via science. Hearing about IVF from a patient’s perspective has been humbling.
- The Dinner Party Download. Guests vary, but the formula is the same: corny jokes, craft cocktail recipes, celebrity interviews and answers to modern etiquette quandaries.
- Fresh Air. Terry Gross is a master interviewer. An unfulfilled dream of mine would be to have dinner with Terry and have her find me witty and charming, with both of us leaving as fast friends. While this is never going to happen, a girl can dream. Full disclosure: I download all the episodes but only listen to about half, usually when the guests seem appealing. This is probably a mistake, because Terry Gross can make any interview fascinating. Tip: there is a weekend show with the week’s best clips if you want to cut to the chase.
- Wait, Wait! Don’t Tell Me. Usually I catch this gameshow live on NPR, but when I don’t, I listen to the week’s podcast.
- The Moth. Tagline: The art and craft of storytelling. Sometimes I laugh. Often I cry. The stories are that good. Another unfulfilled dream: have a story good enough to share at one of their events.
- Mortified. Cringeworthy and awesome. Adults read their real childhood diary entries onstage, unedited and in their awkward adolescent glory. I’ve almost driven off the road choking with laughter, so be careful.
Glam Boutique
This isn’t exactly a Valentine’s Day-related post, but this made my heart swell on multiple levels.
Last week Trixie created a doll store from a cardboard box.
Welcome to Glam, ladies and gents!
I love her creativity, especially the wall displays (catalog images) and the cash register (??) made of legos bricks. The counter is stocked with accessories. This is *exactly* the kind of thing I would have made when I was her age. Heart.
Spouse created an elaborate backstory for Glam, namely that it’s such an exclusive boutique that it’s appointment only.
Late in the week, he sent me this text:
Made me laugh. So much love.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Friends!
Happy Halloween
Unanimous verdict: Trixie’s Ruth Bader Ginsburg costume is one my favorites, ever.
Hope your day is more treats than tricks.
Self-Help without the Self-Helpy-Ness
The images and descriptions of these affirmation cards on Amazon were enough to land them a spot in my shopping basket.
Tagline: 50 Affirmation Cards to Help You Help Yourself – without the Self-Helpy-Ness!
Literal Thumbnail Image
The box arrived last week on a day when I *really* could have used some affirmation, and this is the first card I saw:
Because Being Authentic has been a huge theme for me lately, this struck a major chord. My favorite line from this card is “Whoever doesn’t get it, doesn’t have to get it.”
Here are a few others that resonated:
This one made me laugh out loud:
I have a feeling that many, many people on my holiday shopping list are going to receive these cards.
Big Sigh For My Life, October 2015 Edition
A few funny things are going on lately. I mean weird, not ha-ha.
Seriously, what’s in the water?
First of all, I’ve been struggling with a nagging running injury. More on that later this week, but it’s really becoming a drag. I’m rightfully worried about the half marathon I have coming up in a few weeks and the full marathon I’m training for in January.
Work-wise, I owe everybody something. Argh! I agreed to give several talks and am woefully behind on getting the presentations ready. This does not feel good.
Speaking of work, there’s really a yin and yang going on. I don’t like to talk too specifically about my job, but I found out last week that I have an exciting and unexpected trip to a very exotic location on the horizon, which is awesome.
Hint
And then I immediately got a brutal rejection for a paper that I submitted to a journal detailing a research project that I’ve been working on for over a year. The rejection email was cringe-worthy. Crying would be a legitimate response.
And my shoes fell apart.
After 8+ years as my trusty OR clogs, my worn Danskos quite literally rotted away. I guess they’d seen one too many liquid spills and splashes of all sorts of nastiness.
This turn of events was unpleasant, but I used my new Amazon Prime membership to score this rainbow pair within a cool 48 hours.
New shoes – love!
Last work-related item: We conveniently have meetings Every Single Day during the time that most people would, say, go out for lunch or procure something lunch-y to eat, so brown-bagging it is pretty necessary lest there be no sustenance at all.
Due to my propensity to rip, spill and otherwise ruin things (see rotten shoes above), I go through a lot of lunch totes, some cooler than others.
I recently purchased one for MGM (8) at the start of the school year, which I thought he would love based on his TV viewing habits.
Instead, he deemed it too baby-ish (although an R2D2 lunchbox apparently is the height of third grade chic), which is why I am a now 42-year-old accomplished physician carrying my sandwich and apple to work in this:
Big sigh for my life.
Unicorn Rescue Kit
This unicorn rescue kit made me laugh.
I may buy them in bulk!
P.S. You can also rescue a Yeti, dragon, sloth, owl, alien, teddy bear or Big Foot.
This Disney Character…
A couple of weeks ago, Trixie started asking us to play a game called “This Disney Character.”
The game is simple: one person gives clues to the identity of a Disney character and the others guess. The person who gets it right does the clues for the next round.
Sample: This Disney Character is a snowman who loves summer.
Please don’t make me answer that one for you.
However, last week the game took a dark turn.
As I’ve mentioned before, Trixie is not the up-and-at-’em type in the morning.
She’s more like a mid-90s Courtney Love forced to meet a parole officer in the A.M.
Undoctored photo
Last week the two of us were alone in the kitchen and the usual morning scramble to get out the door was in full swing.
I can’t even recall the precipitating incident, but all of sudden she snarled, “This Disney character is chubby, sweaty, stinky and is standing next to the sink!”
Ok, I *was* next to the sink, but really, the rest of that is not true.
(Is it? Sniff. My self esteem is destroyed by a six year old).
Once I recovered I was able to come back with one for her:
This Disney character is about to lose iPad privileges for the rest of her life.
It only took one guess.
